I stay at home all of Sunday, and Awayume also accompanies me the entire time. She keeps trying to seduce me, even though the method isn’t too different from before, my reactions have lost the calmness of the past, I will usually have a very big emotional swing due to her teasing.
She sees that something is wrong with me and is very happy, she tries using even more methods but I still hold onto a string that not even I know what it is. This string is very thin and will snap very easily, but it’s precisely this final string that is maintaining my reason, causing me to not completely fall.
Even though I don’t understand, I can still feel that if I fall, I will be beyond redemption.
I hold onto it with an unclear effort, it’s already very taut, only when Awayume goes back at night does it slightly relax a bit. I know that I must do something to make it not always at the brink of snapping.
I take out my cellphone and open Line.
Aoba Oku 「Sena, you there.」
I send a message to Sena and she replies very quickly.
Nanako-sensei 「Yo… You’re actually looking for me on your own you pervert lolicon? Sure enough you can no longer resist your impulse towards me? Do you want me to give you a bit of a reward you pervert lolicon~」
For some reason, when I see Sena’s words that are shameless as usual and completely unlike something said by an eighth grade girl, I feel a lot more relaxed in my heart.
Aoba Oku 「No it’s not! I want to ask… If one day I could accept females besides lolis, what would you think?」
This time Sena is silent for a long time before responding.
Nanako-sensei 「You actually want to betray your faith you pervert lolicon? And I thought you would live in your own little fantasy in your mind for your entire life. 」
Aoba Oku 「There isn’t a single person who would live in their own fantasy for their entirely life okay! That’s a mentally ill person!」
Nanako-sensei 「So you still have this self-awareness you pervert lolicon~ But if you can accept females besides lolis, then for other people this might be something worth being happy over, but like that you won’t be able to be a lolicon anymore right?」
Can’t be a lolicon anymore…
Aoba Oku 「Why not? Even though I’ll like other females, I can still deeply love lolis at the same time. As long as I’m willing to give my all to little lolis, then I’m still a lolicon right!」
Nanako-sensei 「Huh? What are you saying? To think that not only are you a pervert lolicon, you’re also a scumbag pervert lolicon!」
On the other side of the Line conversation, Sena seems very angry.
Nanako-sensei 「“Even though I’ll like other females, I can still deeply love lolis at the same time”? “Willing to give my all to little lolis”? You’re just a pervert lolicon, how much do you have to give to others!」
Her words strike me right in the heart.
Nanako-sensei 「A person possesses very few things, when a person is no longer willing to give everything to a person they love, and instead distributes this love, then he’s just a scumbag, okay? To think that you would actually say this sort of thing, I was wrong about you!」
Afterwards Sena doesn’t say anymore, I’ve never seen her so angry before, I can tell that she really is very angry.
Is this word used to describe people with my sort of thinking? Even though right now I still can’t find an answer, my heart feels a bit clearer, I no longer need to constantly worry that that string will snap under the weight.
Tonight I sleep a lot easier than last night. Early next morning, Awayume is lying in my bed hugging me.
「Oku-kun, good morning.」
「Awayume, good morning.」
I can already calmly respond to her again, Awayume seems to be a bit surprised but she still smiles.
Afterwards we eat breakfast together and go to school. After returning to class I see Kamina Eno holding a lot of test papers in her arms and walking in the direction of the office with the teacher. I’m guessing it must be that her marks are honestly too horrible, thus causing her to be called by the teacher to go have a talk.
During the morning classes my mind is elsewhere, I’m still thinking about Sena’s words. At noon, I don’t go to the cafeteria, instead I go to the school convenience store. I buy a bottle of water and bread then go to the clubroom, I want to use work to temporarily numb my mind.
After reaching the clubroom, I discover that it is unusually rowdy. Going in and listening, it turns out that they’re all shocked about Kamina Eno’s test papers. I’m thinking that they’re definitely shocked by Kamina Eno’s horrible marks, but after I go in and also huddle over by the test papers, I am also shocked!
「Miss Kamina… How did you achieve full marks in every subject!?」
The table of full perfect test papers can practically be recorded into school history okay! I’ve never before heard of a student that could achieve perfect in every subject during exams!
「It’s actually your feeling again! This is definitely a superpower!」
Exactly what’s the situation with this feeling of hers that is occasionally good and occasionally bad? This has completely surpassed the realm of a sixth sense!
And then I ask her why she was called to the office by the teacher in the morning, she says the teachers in the office wanted to take a picture with her… If I was a teacher, encountering such an amazing student I would definitely also want to take a picture with her!
「Even if it’s your feeling, how did you correctly answer all of those subjective questions?」
「Subjective questions? Feeling.」
She can even use her feeling to answer subjective questions? Or maybe, Kamina Eno’s views are formed precisely by her feeling, therefore she can correctly answer all of the subjective questions using her feeling!
I no longer need work to numb myself, this has already shocked me so much that I can’t think of anything else. And just like that the noon break passes by in this mysterious feeling, at the afternoon I once again start thinking about what I should do.
Awayume has always been looking forward to my change, since the first year of middle school it has been so. If I become able to accept even more people, she will definitely be very delighted, but Sena’s words also keep lingering in my mind.
「You’re just a pervert lolicon, how much to do have to give to others?」
Sena’s words assail my heart, I’m forced to ask myself, is it really good to be able to accept other people and believe that I can give other people happiness? Will I really be content? Is this the so-called happy ending?
Originally I thought that I would constantly torture myself amidst this endless thinking, countlessly make that string taut and easy to snap.
But I very soon obtained an answer over this matter, under a turning point after school everything suddenly became clear, I really am eternally grateful to that person who enlightened me.
It was precisely because of her that I found myself again.
The school rooftop after school is bright and clear.
In this big place there are only two people standing across from each other. One of them is me, and the other is also a girl I know.
「Your name is… Kousaka Emi right?」
She once confessed to me, but I rejected her with the reason that I’m a lolicon.
「Classmate Aoba, thank you for still remembering me.」
She looks very polite, I’m entirely unable tell that she would say that kind of thing after I once rejected her — ““Yeah, that’s right, if you had to say it then I am displeased, clearly you should have just gone out with me and then gotten dumped by me once I had no more feelings!”
In reality my words at that time were also too extreme, weren’t they? There simply isn’t any girl who could still maintain her composure after confessing and hearing the guy say such a thing to her.
「Why did you bring me out here?」
When I returned to the classroom in the afternoon for class, I discovered a note asking to go to the school rooftop after school.
「There’s actually only one thing I can do.」
Kousaka Emi’s eyes are a bit misty.
「Then let me do it one more time.」
She inhales a deep breath.
「Classmate Aoba! I like you! Even though I was rejected by you I still like you! No matter what I like you!」
The same sudden confession as before, but more frank and passionate words.
「Don’t say anything first, Classmate Aoba! Let me speak first!」
She directly cuts me off from what I want to say.
「After I was rejected by you, I did indeed tell what you told me to my friends. In the end to get revenge for me, they conducted a personal attack against you on the school forum. 」
I know about this, this is the root as to why I have now become an existence that people fear in the school …
「After finding out about it I honestly felt very sorry, but I didn’t even have to courage to go apologize to you… Because your gaze would never stop on me, in your opinion this thing doesn’t matter at all right?」
As she says, I indeed don’t care about this.
「Afterwards I originally thought I could very quickly fall in love with someone else and no longer have any feelings towards a lolicon like you, but during class time I would still unknowingly look over at you, but your gaze was always towards the sky outside the window.」
Kousaka Emi’s voice is a bit sorrowful.
「We didn’t even have a single chance to meet eyes!」
「But… I still wanted to get close to you, so… I finally mustered up the courage to invite you to karaoke.」
She did indeed look very nervous that time, I originally thought she was like that because she felt guilty towards me.
「Even though I had to ask for a long time, you still agreed in the end Classmate Aoba, I really was very happy!」
「That night I was so excited that I virtually didn’t sleep, at night I kept thinking about what clothes to wear and how I should do my hair for you to like it. But the next day, I discovered that I was just too naive.」
She gradually starts to become downcast.
「When Kamina Eno appeared, all of my confidence fell apart, with her around I didn’t have the slightest chance of success!」
So she actually thought like this when Kamina Eno appeared that day? It’s no wonder, who told Kamina Eno to have actually said to the other people “I’m taking him to go meet my parents”, anyone would have misunderstood you right?
「But at that time I was still hopeful, even though I couldn’t be together with you Classmate Aoba, Kamina Eno wouldn’t necessarily be able to either, right?」
「Because… You’re a lolicon Classmate Aoba!」
My mind is instantly as though it had suffered a heavy blow, her words make me think of even more things from a deeper level.
「Afterwards, sure enough you and Kamina Eno didn’t look very intimate together. Even though there was regularly gossip about you and Kamina Eno from the school forum, I still didn’t believe it, because you told me before Classmate Aoba, you are a lolicon!」
“You are a lolicon!”
「Later on the rumours about you and Kamina Eno gradually died down. Originally I was starting to relax, up until recently when I heard that you fought with an upperclassman for a girl, I started to become restless, because this sort of thing is too easy to confirm…」
「I went to the hospital and found that senior. He told that you really did fight with him because of that girl called Sakurada Awayume!」
She’s getting more and more worked up.
「I really couldn’t believe it! But I also couldn’t not believe it! So, the reason I brought you here today was to verify it with you!」
Kousaka Emi’s tears have already covered her face.
「Classmate Aoba! I like you! I really really really really like you! I hope that you can go out with me! Please give me an answer right away!」
She confesses to me again, waiting for my response, but I am very hesitant.
「Sorry… I can’t go out with you.」
In the end I can only say this.
「Not like this! It’s not like this! I knew the result from the very beginning! I want to know the reason! The reason you’re rejecting me!」
Reason? Exactly what reason is it worth for her to so persistently question me? It’s actually more important than being rejected?
「You still don’t understand yet? I want you to tell me, it’s because you’re a lolicon!」
Because you’re a lolicon!
Because you’re a lolicon!
Because you’re a lolicon!
Because you’re a lolicon!
Because you’re a lolicon!
Because I’m a lolicon!
That’s right, what am I hesitating about? For what exactly have I become so sensitive about? Why didn’t I understand such an obvious answer?
Do I have any other choice? None at all, because I am a lolicon with absolutely nothing besides my faith of loving lolis!
Why was I lost in other feelings? From the start I am a lolicon, this is the faith I swore to give my all to and pursue for my entire life!
What do I have to give to other people? Everything of mine should only belong to them! They are the only faith I must pursue! Everything else is fake!
My brain feels like it has been struck by lightning, with this instant of enlightenment everything I had forgotten is retrieved one by one. I’ve gotten it back again, my only reason for existence.
I shout with all my strength.
「I don’t like you! I’ll never like you! It’s impossible for me to accept you! I will never accept all girls including you!」
She was clearly rejected by me using very excessive words, but her face gradually reveals a smile.
「Because Aoba Oku will always be a lolicon!」
I feel like my body has suddenly become a lot lighter, all of the illusions and confusion I shouldn’t have all disappear on the roof of this school.
「Kousaka Emi, thank you very much, it’s you who made me understand this simple truth.」
「No.. You don’t need to thank me!」
She smiles looking at me.
「Because this was purely for my selfishness! As long as I can guarantee that you’re a lolicon, then that means that I still haven’t lost!」
It’s actually this reason… Her openly telling me her goal makes me think of another person.
But different from her, Awayume wants me to not be a lolicon anymore, and then obtain my recognition through her own efforts, right?
Sure enough… My childhood friend Sakurada Awayume really is a very amazing girl.
I look at the sky above my head, the clouds gathered together look more and more like a crouching little loli! And this is the scenery that I should see in my eyes!
Leaving the rooftop, I don’t go to the clubroom and return home first.
Taking out my cellphone I open Line.
Aoba Oku 「Sena, I am a lolicon, Aoba Oku is a lolicon, he will forever be a lolicon!」
These words have the same meaning, just like this I send this tediously long message over without any editing.
Nanako-sensei 「Sure enough you’re still coveting my body you pervert lolicon!」
Aoba Oku 「That’s just you thinking too much!」
After putting down my cellphone I wait, wait for Awayume to come in through the door. I want to tell her, tell her everything I’ve understood!
After a long period of waiting, the room door finally opens. After coming in Awayume looks with surprise at me who has a big smile over my face.
I stand up walking over to her, my eyes staring at her without any wavering.
Awayume also stares at me without any avoidance.
「I am a lolicon.」
「I am only a lolicon.」
Just adding an “only” is already enough to express my resolution.
「You have the right to choose other people Oku-kun.」
Awayume still wants to continue persisting in changing me.
「No… I don’t have this right, I should say that I have the corresponding obligation.」
There seems to be a fire burning in my eyes, staring at Awayume with a blaze.
「My duty is to give my all to little lolis, all of my feelings and thoughts are theirs!」
「Because Aoba Oku, he is a lolicon! It’s precisely because Aoba-Oku is a lolicon that he is Aoba Oku! 」
My words have already assuredly conveyed all of my persistence to Awayume, there is no longer the slightest bit of confusion in my heart.
「Sure enough… Oku-kun is still Oku-kun, you’ve never changed before.」
Awayume is silent for a long time, watching me with a helpless smile as she always has.
That’s right, why am I Aoba Oky? Just like how Juliet once said “Romeo, why art thou Romeo?”, Juliet’s question is not actually a question, it’s simply because harboured within the question is only her deep love towards Romeo.
And I am the same, this isn’t a question at all, it’s simple because Aoba Oku it the lolicon Aoba Oku.
Aoba Oku loves little lolis.
So he is Aoba Oku.
I watch the sky outside dyed by the setting sun, my inner heart is a field of peace. I will continue to go on with the identity of a lolicon, no matter how many cold treatments I get, I will just gently smile to them and confidently say to them– After all I am a lolicon so sorry.